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Consider this quote from Abe Lincoln

"America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves."

 

 

Men in general are terrible gifters. Iím a men and I know this. We donít have the first clue about what is a proper Christmas gift for the wife. If it was up to us we would probably end up giving the ďlittle womanĒ tickets to the next WWF Wrestling match and a case of slim jims. Our usual gifts leave us in the doghouse or sitting quietly at the dinner table in a dark room for hours hoping that by some miracle that something that resembles food will appear on it like magic. In order to stave off the dreaded effects of this Iíve come up with a few helpful pointers for the men out there who are beginning to worry about finding the perfect gift.

  1. I have it on good authority that jewelry is always a perfect gift. It also seems that we can give it any time, not only when we are in trouble.
  2. If you give your wife a week long cruise to Spain, it is only proper that you buy two tickets, and no friends, you canít give the other ticket to your mother in law, as tempting as that may be.
  3. Never buy your wife any gift for Christmas that has a cord attached to it.
  4. If you notice that you donít seem to find that she is using the gift you got her last year, donít assume that she broke it and needs a new one. The truth is, she is still using the one you bought her in 1984 and has the ones from each subsequent years hidden in the closet.
  5. Gift cards for clothes are acceptable, actual clothes are not. You will either buy the size you wish she was, or the size you think she is, neither of which is actually her real size.
  6. If you decide to buy her a new vehicle, this will score you a lifetime of forgiveness for poor gifts in the past, however if you also buy her a gas can to go with it, expect to be in the doghouse.
  7. When they say, ďI wish my husband would get me something unusualĒ they donít mean anything that is hot pink and canít be worn in public.
  8. Power tools, fishing tackle and video games are not acceptable gifts, however you might be able to sneak in that flat panel plasma television under the guise of wanting her not to strain her eyes watching soaps.
  9. Finally, when in doubt about the proper gift, remember that if you had to buy it on December 24th from the same place you would get gas and 12 pack of beer you probably should just start adding onto that dog house now.

See you next week..Remember, weíre all in this together.